I have moved...

permenantlystaining.blogspot.com  is my new home for blogging. I needed a clean slate and so I made one. 

Fuck Steve (Demione on Bear411), pseudo intellectual prick...I want to smack the that smirk right off your face

Fuck Dylan (Noodlesandbeef on Bear411), you condescending asshole, I hope someone puts you in your place in the near future bitch

Fuck all the insecure, drooling bears at the Lonestar. You motherfuckers act like you've never had sex in your whole life! Have some dignity and keep it in your pants until you get a cheap hotel room, you nasty fucks.

Fuck California! Fuck the parking lots you call freeways. Fuck your dirty air that has polluted my lungs and have given me the gift of allergies.

Fuck my lazy ass roommate that smokes himself retarded. The dryer has been broke for over a month you fuck!

Enough with the hate...To all those good people that I've met over the years, I'm eternally grateful for the lessons you have taught me. The advice you've given has been a god send. I will miss you all dearly....

Rain...

So tomorrow is officially my birthday. I know I should be excited but I'm not. It's pretty much just another day for me and I don't know why. Well, I have some speculation on why and that's because of my mom. I know that sounds stupid as it's been 7 years since she passed and I should have moved on by now but I haven't. I remember her being so excited on my birthday and in turn that excitement made me excited. I really miss seeing her face to be honest. I have this tendency that when I do something that I've experienced with my mom, I almost always compare it to what it was like with my mom. I know this is unrealistic of me in someways I suppose. On a day that I should be happy, I'm usually not, and that sucks. 

Biscuit...

It's been awhile since I've posted. My weekend was pretty smooth. I helped a friend with some yard work then we went to the mall to get a different piercing for my lip. I played some ping pong with the roommates and pretty much relaxed the whole weekend.

Part of my reason why I haven't posted in a few days is because I've been emo. Sunday I laid in my bed in complete darkness and listened to music. It helped clear my thoughts and relax my crowded brain. I still don't have a second job :(. It must be because of the damn high school/middle school kids taking them all. It sucks because when they go back to school, so do I. It'll suck if I have to take off another semester. 

My birthday is in two days and I'll be one year older. It's weird, most people when I tell them I'll 23 they think that's still young. I can't help but to feel old ha ha. I'm still trying to improve my character. It's becoming more natural and I still have slip ups. I don't have any insights yet but I'm continuing to read and to think consciously about my actions/thoughts. 

It's time for work now. :( To be continued...

Pro...crast....ina...tion

Yes I procrastinate a lot and I mean a lot. Sometimes on real important things like paying bills haha. Anyways, I was reading in TDM (The DaVinci Method, it will be referred to as TDM from now on) that it's a quality of DaVinci types to procrastinate because some of us think that why struggle with a project when we know there's a good chance a powerful insight will come. In the book it explains that I shouldn't procrastinate and that I should just engage the project. 

For example, one project that I've been known to procrastinate on pretty consistently is writing papers haha. The book suggests that I just start brain storming and really engage the problem at hand. Don't actually write anything or commit to any thought, just basically sift through all the thoughts and wait for the powerful insight to come. It's an interesting concept and I'm going to try my damnest to apply it to all of my life. 

Regression...

Earlier tonight I was conversing with a friend and his roommate. I somewhat reverted back to my old ways and was toying with my phone during the conversation. I was still involved with it and made comments about the topics that were being discussed but I wonder if it came off as rude. 

Later in the night I reflected upon this encounter. I realized that I did that and felt bad. It didn't even register with me at the time I was doing it and made me realize that I need to be more conscious of what's going on during an encounter with someone. When I decided that I wanted to change who I was I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I guess I just need to accept the fact that I will make mistakes and to just learn from them.  

Speaker Speaker On The Dance Floor....

I'm not much for religion but I believe I'm spiritual. Here's a small prayer from The DaVinci Methond:

I am here only to be truly helpful.

I am here to represent God Who sent me.

I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because God Who sent me will direct me.

I am content to be wherever God wishes; knowing God goes there with me.

I am healed as I let God teach me to heal.

I wanted to post it so that when I look over old posts I can view it.