Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Rain...
So tomorrow is officially my birthday. I know I should be excited but I'm not. It's pretty much just another day for me and I don't know why. Well, I have some speculation on why and that's because of my mom. I know that sounds stupid as it's been 7 years since she passed and I should have moved on by now but I haven't. I remember her being so excited on my birthday and in turn that excitement made me excited. I really miss seeing her face to be honest. I have this tendency that when I do something that I've experienced with my mom, I almost always compare it to what it was like with my mom. I know this is unrealistic of me in someways I suppose. On a day that I should be happy, I'm usually not, and that sucks.
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3 comments:
You're going to get tired of me saying this, but: You will continue to be unhappy on days when you "should" be happy until you see the whole situation differently.
If I told you that my dog died, you would view it as a sad event. If I then told you that he was suffering for the past year and was in constant pain and his death brought him peace, you would *instantly* have a different emotion. The only thing that changed was your perspective.
Whenever I've dealt with death, the only perspective which brings me comfort is a spiritual one. Trying to deal with death on "human" terms leaves me with only my own sense of loss. Instead, I wonder at the awesome movement of life to death and back to life again and the "butterfly effect" of the impact that life and death has on us all. When I see it this way, death isn't a loss for me, but instead a transformation and an opportunity to decide who I am in relation to it.
Your mom's death at such a young age (for both of you) has presented an unprecedented opportunity for your soul to grow. Many people never get such an opportunity. So raise a glass for your mom on a day like today. Know that she's with you always and is influencing your life in ways too mysterious to understand right now. Open your eyes to all messages, not just ones which reinforce your loss.
*Hugs*
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